Teens take the edge off, hit the JUUL

By Julia Burdsall

Gone are the days of watching nine innings of your favorite team at the ballpark while chowing down on an overpriced hotdog; Baseball is no longer America’s pastime. With three times the nicotine of a normal e-cigarette, the JUUL has been banned in Europe. Never fear, America’s laissez-faire approach to tobacco keeps the JUUL industry alive and well. Just ask any Storm Student!

With just a couple hits, the JUUL alleviates stress and worries fostered throughout the seven hour school day, while simultaneously instigating an unbreakable addiction.

Not only does the JUUL take the edge off. The clout that comes with buying a JUUL assists users with the often insurmountable task of social climbing. 

“I heard about JUULing from a close friend whos been addicted for a while now, and it just sounds super dope,” a junior found sitting under the bleachers said. “I mean all the people who juul seem to have a lot going for them and are really well respected. I’m striving to achieve that by my senior year in high school.”

 With so many outside forces driving teenagers towards buying a JUUL of their own, it’s surprising that some of the student body is still resistant. Never fear–the abundance of JUUL pod flavors such as watermelon and creme brulee will slowly win the hearts of JUUL-less students. Forget dessert.

If the flavors don’t put students over the top, the customizability of the device surely will. Upon purchasing a JUUL, users have the option of personalizing the device with engravings–much like a family heirloom. Add it to the keepsake box!

The rise of the JUUL has been expedited by Tobacco companies’ clever marketing campaigns. 

Up until now, the tobacco giant and JUUL parent company Altria, has been marketing to teenagers by way of social media. JUUL’s dedicated base of twenty-year old models posing, kissing and laughing with the JUUL in hand, evokes a nostalgia for the good old days; the ads are reminiscent of the provocative Marlbro ads that permeated the 60s. After using America’s children as the testing grounds, JUUL is hoping to expand their marketing so they reach more of the US population’s lungs. 

“You know the charming swiffer-mop commercials where a little old couple finds a swiffer on their doorstep and then drags it through their dust-layden house? We’re thinking of recreating that same ad idea except with the JUUL,” JUUL’s Chief of Marketing Craig Boomers said. 

Boomer’s has also discussed taking the ad a step further in an attempt to reach the nation’s Pregnant women. While still just an idea, Boomers is cooking up a commercial in which a stork drops a JUUL onto the doorstep of a young, expecting couple. “The ad fades out with an eloquent slogan like ‘forget the child!’ or something like that… just a thought.”

JUUL’s efforts to reach all corners of the American population makes one thing clear; they don’t discriminate. 

The JUUL proves that stereotypical extracurriculars such as sports, robotics and theater aren’t the only afterschool options that motivate and excite Storm students. JUUl includes all. Bring the wannabes and drop outs!  JUUl has something special in mind for all of you.

“I think it’s really important that students find something they are passionate about and really stick with it. JUULing students have found a passion they truly love, and it’s definitely not just the chemicals talking,” junior Natalie Chrisman said. While vaping definitely has its perks, there are some unfortunate consequences in everyday usage that are simply unavoidable.

“I think a lot of Storm students choose to hate on people who JUUL because they aren’t doing it themselves, ” junior William Nyman said. “I don’t participate because I am not trying to inhale toxic substances everyday but I still respect those who are apart of the trend, excuse me, lifestyle and I think everyone else should too.” 

Nyman is right; JUUL enthusiasts have endured their fair share of prejudice by both teachers and parents who simply don’t understand that JUULing isn’t just a phase.

Inhaling flavored nicotine with friends everyday creates a bond almost as unbreakable as the JUULing habit. The JUUL lifestyle is more than just a high school fad, it sticks with you for life.  JUUL friends live together and they will die together.  

The nearly non-existent drawbacks to vaping are simply not enough to outweigh the colossal advantages that result from “hitting” the JUUL each morning and fully integrating it into your daily routine. Morning meditation might have to take a back burner. 

JUULing can’t be that bad for you if half of the Storm student body is doing it. Those fretting over JUUL health concerns are no doubt over-internet diagnosing. Spend enough time on WebMD and anything is deadly. 

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